It has taken me a few days to figure this out. You see, not long ago I would have been sick to think about having her so far away and in such an uncertain place. I have always felt that I can't keep bad things from happening to my children, but if they happen, I need to be close by so I can fix them.
So even after she boarded the plane and was taxiing down the runway, and a pilot was telling me of the unstable weather that was approaching the island and that the return flight the following week was uncertain, I still did not have that familiar sick feeling.
What in the world was wrong with me? I should be beside myself. I should have tried to talk her out of it...but I wasn't and I didn't. I encouraged her.
That is what I have been trying to sort out. Why? Why am I at peace with this?
Faith. That is the answer.
Oh, I know faith is such an obscure term. We have faith in our spouses. We all know the old illustration of having faith that the chair will hold us when we sit on it. But the kind of faith I am talking about is a proven faith.
How could I not have faith in the God that has shown himself faithful to me so many times? How can I not leave Stephanie....or Chris and Kelly, Elizabeth and Rob and now my sweet Emerson for that matter...in his hands?
I have seen God work in all of their lives. He has placed them in places where they need to be at the very moment they needed to be there. He has kept them from things that they needed to be kept from and protected them from things I am sure we are not even aware of. He has allowed scary things to happen to them. He has shown Himself faithful in all of it.
Yes, my God is faithful. But can I still count him as faithful if something happens to her? Yes, absolutely. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt that Stephanie was suppose to be on that plane, this week with it's Tropical or Sub Tropical weather pattern, and God is in control of every single second that will pass. That is why I can sleep at night. Not because her safety is guaranteed or that I can hurry down there and fix a problem should she have one. No, I can sleep at night because I know that God loves her far more than I could ever love her, and I know how much I love her. I know that He is sovereign and He will be with her every moment of every day. I am praying like crazy that she remains safe and that she can return home at the appointed time. But I am sleeping at night knowing God already has everything planned out just how he wants it. He is my strength and salvation.
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD. I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19